Today has been exhausting. We drove to King's Lynn to register mother's death at 10.30am in the Town Hall. Visited Lucy who was in a serious state and refused cake or dessert after we took her out to lunch – not a good sign at all! Vivien and I are extremely worried about her. Lucy said she can never return to the family home again – she seemed really angry, so do I.
Stopped at my house in King's Lynn, to pick up a few things and check on any post and then returned to Holme. Cilla (from work) very kindly delivered a massive display of white flowers, a lovely card and three pieces of homemade raspberry and coconut slices – thank you so much to all my lovely work colleagues xxx
Thursday, 9 August 2018
NORFOLK BIRD NEWS & MEGAS!
SUMMARY OF TODAY'S BIRD NEWS VIA "RARE BIRD ALERT"
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Spotted Crake, Garganey at Potter Heigham Marshes
Wood Sandpiper at Holme Dunes NWT
Garganey at Cley NWT
Sandwich Terns x 2, Great White Egrets x 3 at Strumpshaw Fen RSPB
Spoonbills x 24 at Titchwell RSPB
Pied Flycatchers x 2 at Wells Woods
MEGA NEWS
Forster's Tern
Soldier's Point, County Lough, Ireland
For access to full details of daily sightings, please subscribe to one of RBA's Bird News Services
Spotted Crake, Garganey at Potter Heigham Marshes
Wood Sandpiper at Holme Dunes NWT
Garganey at Cley NWT
Sandwich Terns x 2, Great White Egrets x 3 at Strumpshaw Fen RSPB
Spoonbills x 24 at Titchwell RSPB
Pied Flycatchers x 2 at Wells Woods
MEGA NEWS
Forster's Tern
Soldier's Point, County Lough, Ireland
Wednesday, 8 August 2018
The Day After
Vivien and I didn't get much sleep last night for various reasons. We have spent the day operating in slow motion and remain extremely emotional – we can't stop crying. A lovely lady from Tapping House phoned us to see how we were and to offer us counselling. We had to collect the death certificate from the surgery and have booked an appointment this week to register the death. I somehow managed to cook lunch for Vivien and I and Vivien made the tea today.
NRS collected the bed and other equipment mid afternoon. After they left, I transformed the room completely. The room was so depressing and we had to do something mammoth to blank our thoughts. So, I managed to move the piano by myself (Cilla, you would have been impressed!), from the hall, through to the dining room and in front of the fireplace – added some ornaments on top, placed some music on the stand and it looked really good. I then moved the table and chairs from the kitchen into this room also. The hall then had to be deep cleaned and large spiders removed!
Huge thanks to all the lovely emails and messages, by email, Twitter and Facebook – it is much appreciated. Vivien and I are living at the family home and will be living here for several months whilst we grieve and sort things out. Please be aware that although I can receive emails, I still can't reply back – TalkTalk seem unable to sort this out and I havn't got the mental energy to fight with them about it right now.
NRS collected the bed and other equipment mid afternoon. After they left, I transformed the room completely. The room was so depressing and we had to do something mammoth to blank our thoughts. So, I managed to move the piano by myself (Cilla, you would have been impressed!), from the hall, through to the dining room and in front of the fireplace – added some ornaments on top, placed some music on the stand and it looked really good. I then moved the table and chairs from the kitchen into this room also. The hall then had to be deep cleaned and large spiders removed!
Huge thanks to all the lovely emails and messages, by email, Twitter and Facebook – it is much appreciated. Vivien and I are living at the family home and will be living here for several months whilst we grieve and sort things out. Please be aware that although I can receive emails, I still can't reply back – TalkTalk seem unable to sort this out and I havn't got the mental energy to fight with them about it right now.
NORFOLK BIRD NEWS & MEGAS!
SUMMARY OF TODAY'S BIRD NEWS VIA "RARE BIRD ALERT"
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Spoonbills x 21, Spotted Redshanks x 2 at Titchwell RSPB
Spotted Crake, Wood Sandpipers x 3, Garganey x 3, Great White Egret at Potter Heigham Marshes
Pied Flycatcher at St Nicholas Churchyard, Great Yarmouth
Little Stint, Wood Sandpiper at Rush Hill Scrape, Hickling Broad NWT
Wood Sandpiper at Holme Dunes NWT
Wood Sandpiper at Cantley Beet Factory
Garganey x 2 at Buckenham Marshes RSPB
MEGA NEWS
None
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Spoonbills x 21, Spotted Redshanks x 2 at Titchwell RSPB
Spotted Crake, Wood Sandpipers x 3, Garganey x 3, Great White Egret at Potter Heigham Marshes
Pied Flycatcher at St Nicholas Churchyard, Great Yarmouth
Little Stint, Wood Sandpiper at Rush Hill Scrape, Hickling Broad NWT
Wood Sandpiper at Holme Dunes NWT
Wood Sandpiper at Cantley Beet Factory
Garganey x 2 at Buckenham Marshes RSPB
MEGA NEWS
None
Tuesday, 7 August 2018
Margaret Rose Clarke — 9-2-1940 – 7-8-2018
Mother and Father – together at last
Shortly after I posted last night, I realised my mother was probably not going to make the night – her breathing became louder and distressed and I felt sick with what I knew was going to happen. Her rapid decline since having her Ascitic drain on the 26th July has been frightening. The Hospice team yesterday said that they didn't think 'she was going to go yet', although it was obvious to me she wasn't going to make the week.
I never even got to sleep on the airbed. I didn't want to wake Vivien up yet as I wasn't sure – I sat with mother and held her hand and stroked her forehead. The distressed breathing noises continued and I had no choice but to accept what was happening. I made my way upstairs and knocked on Vivien's door and told her that I didn't think mother was going to make the night.
Vivien came downstairs and sat on mother's right side and I sat on her left. We turned the lights out and just kept a small lamp on. We held her hands which were cold, clammy and wet with sweat. The noises she was making, which increased in volume were sickeningly distressing. Vivien was incredibly calm and said all the right things, the most beautiful words – I attempted to do the same, but I was not calm at all – I was biting my lip to stay calm for mother and for Vivien, but I was inconsolable inside. We told her we loved her and that we would look after Lucy and the cat. We told her that she would be at peace with father now and that she would be in no more pain. 'Don't hang on for us' – words from Vivien which threw me into quiet turmoil. Even though her breathing was distressing, her face did not look as though she was in pain. But, I felt I had no choice but to ring the night District Nurses for advice, as I would never have forgiven myself if she was in pain. I quickly managed to get hold of them and described how she was and they said as long as her body looked relaxed, to simply sit and hold her hand.
The last minute of her life was a moment that will haunt me forever. She opened her eyes and gasped her last breaths and then relaxed into stillness and everything was silent. 3.25am – a sickening silence. Vivien and I were hysterical at that point and we sobbed and held each other for ages. We couldn't stop crying. I made sure mother was laid out flat and made sure her limbs were all straight and fingers extended. We pulled over the butterfly duvet up to her chest, as if she was sleeping in bed. We were mortified and didn't know how to deal with what had just happened. She wasn't supposed to go this quick. We stayed with her for a while before ringing the District Nurse team.
A lovely District Nurse came out and verified the death and then left us. We couldn't think straight about what we were going to do next. We had to tell Lucy who was back in King's Lynn, but we knew we had to drive over there and tell her together and there was no way we were going to leave our mother alone in this house, so we phoned John Lincoln undertakers in Hunstanton and they were out within half an hour to take our mother away. We sobbed again so many times and watched her depart in a 'discreet' silver van – although if any of the neighbours had been awake, it was pretty obvious it was a funeral van, with the two suited and booted drivers.
We stripped off the hospital bed until it was the bare metal frame. I wanted that bed out of the room NOW. At 8am I phoned NRS and pleaded with them to take the bed today, but they did not have the 'capacity' but could collect it and all the other equipment tomorrow morning. We forced ourselves to have breakfast and I drove us both to King's Lynn to tell Lucy – more sobbing, more hugs, more tears. Lucy wanted to stay in her room and didn't want to return to Holme with us.
Vivien and I returned to Holme and Vivien managed to scrape together some lunch for us. I don't know how she achieved that. We have been like Zombies all day, we can hardly walk, we are in so much shock. I felt like I could hardly breathe and felt sick. We have been crying all day. How cruel to lose both our parents – our rocks in our lives within two years of each other, life is very cruel. I feel like a glass vase that has been smashed into a million pieces – my mother's death feels far far worse than when my father died.
We have just lost the most unique, strongest mother in the world – a mother who was intelligent, witty, stubborn beyond belief, kind, eccentric, hard working, independent and so much loved by her three children, Penny, Lucy and Vivien and adored by her husband.
Rest in peace – united with father
Mother and I at Holme in August 2017
Mother and Father at Holme Bird Observatory
NORFOLK BIRD NEWS & MEGAS!
SUMMARY OF TODAY'S BIRD NEWS VIA "RARE BIRD ALERT"
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Spotted Crake, Wood Sandpipers x 5, Garganey x 4, Great White Egret at Potter Heigham Marshes
White-winged Black Tern flew over, Garganey, Spoonbills x 5 at Cley NWT
White Stork at Holme NWT
Pied Flycatcher at Gramborough Hill, Salthouse
Pied Flycatcher at Walsey Hills NOA
Spoonbills x 12 at Titchwell RSPB
Garganey x 3, Great White Egrets x 3 at Strumpshaw Fen RSPB
MEGA NEWS
FORSTER'S TERN
Soldiers Point, County Louth, Ireland
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Spotted Crake, Wood Sandpipers x 5, Garganey x 4, Great White Egret at Potter Heigham Marshes
White-winged Black Tern flew over, Garganey, Spoonbills x 5 at Cley NWT
White Stork at Holme NWT
Pied Flycatcher at Gramborough Hill, Salthouse
Pied Flycatcher at Walsey Hills NOA
Spoonbills x 12 at Titchwell RSPB
Garganey x 3, Great White Egrets x 3 at Strumpshaw Fen RSPB
MEGA NEWS
FORSTER'S TERN
Soldiers Point, County Louth, Ireland
Monday, 6 August 2018
A Torturous Day!
It had been a difficult night all round (see added para yesterday). I checked mother every 60 minutes and helped her to drink water throughout the night. Lucy was in a serious state and Vivien had to take her back to Adrian's Lodge where she lives and is supported in King's Lynn. I really don't know how Vivien did that on no sleep, but poor Lucy had lost it completely and needed to go back to some sort of normality – she had done amazingly well and had been absolutely brilliant with her care and supporting Vivien and I, but she couldn't take any more.
Norfolk Hospice came out to wash and care for mother and advised me to ring a GP, as even though mother was saying she wasn't in pain, she was grimacing. I phoned straight away and was told that a GP would come out, but not until lunchtime. Vivien and I decided not to wait that long and after ringing Tapping House for advice, rung the community district nurses. The morning was torture and mother then admitted she was in pain and the grimacing in her facial expression was soul destroying – I have never felt so helpless and distraught in my life. I was pacing the floor and standing outside the house, willing the District Nurse to arrive to give her some pain relief and put her out of her misery.
Eventually a doctor from Hunstanton surgery and the district nurse both turned up more or less at the same time. A stat dose was administrated by the district nurse (after having to move her car first – long story and this delayed the pain relief my mother so desperately needed) and then a Syringe Driver was set up. Within 10 minutes of being given pain relief, mother looked peaceful and pain free! Mother is now unable to drink or eat anything at all and can hardly talk, but I would rather her be in this state than in the pain that she was. Its a good job Lucy returned to her home where she will have lots of support as there is no way she would have coped with seeing mother how she was today.
Mother looked fairly peaceful all afternoon, but Vivien and I noticed she was grimacing again late evening – not as bad as this morning, but she still looked in pain. We rang the night community nurses and they promptly came out and administered some stat doses in conjunction with the syringe driver. We now have a camp bed set up in the kitchen so that either Vivien or I can lay very close to her. Now going onto the camp bed – good night.
Norfolk Hospice came out to wash and care for mother and advised me to ring a GP, as even though mother was saying she wasn't in pain, she was grimacing. I phoned straight away and was told that a GP would come out, but not until lunchtime. Vivien and I decided not to wait that long and after ringing Tapping House for advice, rung the community district nurses. The morning was torture and mother then admitted she was in pain and the grimacing in her facial expression was soul destroying – I have never felt so helpless and distraught in my life. I was pacing the floor and standing outside the house, willing the District Nurse to arrive to give her some pain relief and put her out of her misery.
Eventually a doctor from Hunstanton surgery and the district nurse both turned up more or less at the same time. A stat dose was administrated by the district nurse (after having to move her car first – long story and this delayed the pain relief my mother so desperately needed) and then a Syringe Driver was set up. Within 10 minutes of being given pain relief, mother looked peaceful and pain free! Mother is now unable to drink or eat anything at all and can hardly talk, but I would rather her be in this state than in the pain that she was. Its a good job Lucy returned to her home where she will have lots of support as there is no way she would have coped with seeing mother how she was today.
Mother looked fairly peaceful all afternoon, but Vivien and I noticed she was grimacing again late evening – not as bad as this morning, but she still looked in pain. We rang the night community nurses and they promptly came out and administered some stat doses in conjunction with the syringe driver. We now have a camp bed set up in the kitchen so that either Vivien or I can lay very close to her. Now going onto the camp bed – good night.
NORFOLK BIRD NEWS & MEGAS!
SUMMARY OF TODAY'S BIRD NEWS VIA "RARE BIRD ALERT"
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Spotted Crakes x 3 (2 adults + chick reported), Wood Sandpipers x 2, Garganey at Potter Heigham Marshes
Wood Sandpiper at Holme Dunes NWT
Pied Flycatcher at Weybourne Camp
Pied Flycatchers x 2 at Great Yarmouth Cemetery
Great White Egrets x 3 at Strumpshaw Fen RSPB
Pied Flycatchers x 2 at Gramborough Hill, Salthouse
Wood Sandpiper, Garganey at Cantley Beet Factory
MEGA NEWS
None
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Spotted Crakes x 3 (2 adults + chick reported), Wood Sandpipers x 2, Garganey at Potter Heigham Marshes
Wood Sandpiper at Holme Dunes NWT
Pied Flycatcher at Weybourne Camp
Pied Flycatchers x 2 at Great Yarmouth Cemetery
Great White Egrets x 3 at Strumpshaw Fen RSPB
Pied Flycatchers x 2 at Gramborough Hill, Salthouse
Wood Sandpiper, Garganey at Cantley Beet Factory
MEGA NEWS
None
Sunday, 5 August 2018
Excellent Care From All Teams Involved
Mother had to have a District Nurse out in the middle of the night to administer medication to relieve pain and anxiety etc. The Night sitter, a Marie Curie nurse was absolutely lovely and did an excellent job of looking after mother last night – she left at 7am this morning. We are on another level today – mother hardly drinking and finding it difficult to suck water through a straw at times. She had no food at all until about 6pm, when she had about seven spoons of ice-cream which I hadn't expected. She is very restless and gets irritated if you try to touch or hold her hand and is cold and clammy.
I really can't fault the services we have had so far – everyone who has come out to assist, both Norfolk Hospice who come out in the morning and Virtual Ward in the evenings, along with District Nurses and Senior staff from Tapping House have been incredibly supportive and are hugely compassionate people, who have worked above and beyond to care for both mother and my sisters and I. A lady from Tapping House along with a District Nurse visited us this afternoon and chatted to Lucy by herself, mother and then Vivien and I together to talk us through everything and how we were coping – they are very professional and give us lots of reassurance and advice, which is helping us all very much indeed.
Our old family friend Malcolm phoned me this morning and had a lovely supportive chat with me which was very kind of him. Sophie (HBO Warden) turned up this afternoon when she going to the NOA office and hugged me for ages which was very sweet of her, I was sobbing uncontrollably. I am a mess and not holding it together very well at all for my sisters and I – well sometimes I am. Lucy had a bit of a wobble last night (long story) so I asked Vivien to take her away from the house today and suggested Titchwell RSPB for cake and coffee, which they did in the morning and also had a walk around the village late afternoon – I think this helped them both, well I hope so anyway. Vivien's partner Ray has also been helping with supplies of cakes and goodies for us and was the only one to get Mother to have a good amount of water at lunchtime today, whilst he was keeping an eye on her, whilst we chatted with the Tapping House lady. I don't want to risk leaving the house at all and certainly don't want to let my sisters face the end without me to support them. We have no night sitter tonight, but I think we will be fine, fingers crossed.
Poor Lucy had a mental breakdown late this evening (won't go into details) which meant it turned into an incredibly stressful night and none of us had any sleep whatsoever.
I really can't fault the services we have had so far – everyone who has come out to assist, both Norfolk Hospice who come out in the morning and Virtual Ward in the evenings, along with District Nurses and Senior staff from Tapping House have been incredibly supportive and are hugely compassionate people, who have worked above and beyond to care for both mother and my sisters and I. A lady from Tapping House along with a District Nurse visited us this afternoon and chatted to Lucy by herself, mother and then Vivien and I together to talk us through everything and how we were coping – they are very professional and give us lots of reassurance and advice, which is helping us all very much indeed.
Our old family friend Malcolm phoned me this morning and had a lovely supportive chat with me which was very kind of him. Sophie (HBO Warden) turned up this afternoon when she going to the NOA office and hugged me for ages which was very sweet of her, I was sobbing uncontrollably. I am a mess and not holding it together very well at all for my sisters and I – well sometimes I am. Lucy had a bit of a wobble last night (long story) so I asked Vivien to take her away from the house today and suggested Titchwell RSPB for cake and coffee, which they did in the morning and also had a walk around the village late afternoon – I think this helped them both, well I hope so anyway. Vivien's partner Ray has also been helping with supplies of cakes and goodies for us and was the only one to get Mother to have a good amount of water at lunchtime today, whilst he was keeping an eye on her, whilst we chatted with the Tapping House lady. I don't want to risk leaving the house at all and certainly don't want to let my sisters face the end without me to support them. We have no night sitter tonight, but I think we will be fine, fingers crossed.
Poor Lucy had a mental breakdown late this evening (won't go into details) which meant it turned into an incredibly stressful night and none of us had any sleep whatsoever.
NORFOLK BIRD NEWS & MEGAS!
SUMMARY OF TODAY'S BIRD NEWS VIA "RARE BIRD ALERT"
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Caspian Gull x 3, Wood Sandpipers x 2, Spoonbills x 3 at Cley NWT
Black Tern, Spoonbills x 9, Spotted Redshanks x 3 at Titchwell RSPB
Spotted Crake, Wood Sandpipers x 9, Garganey x 5, Great White Egret at Potter Heigham Marshes
Great White Egret at Strumpshaw Fen RSPB
Wood Sandpiper at Holme Dunes NWT
Minke Whale reported south past Hemsby
Curlew Sandpipers x 2 at Buckenham Marshes RSPB
MEGA NEWS
SOOTY TERN
Ythan Estuary, Aberdeenshire, Scotland
AMERICAN WHITE-WINGED SCOTER
Ythan Estuary, Aberdeenshire, Scotland
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Caspian Gull x 3, Wood Sandpipers x 2, Spoonbills x 3 at Cley NWT
Black Tern, Spoonbills x 9, Spotted Redshanks x 3 at Titchwell RSPB
Spotted Crake, Wood Sandpipers x 9, Garganey x 5, Great White Egret at Potter Heigham Marshes
Great White Egret at Strumpshaw Fen RSPB
Wood Sandpiper at Holme Dunes NWT
Minke Whale reported south past Hemsby
Curlew Sandpipers x 2 at Buckenham Marshes RSPB
MEGA NEWS
SOOTY TERN
Ythan Estuary, Aberdeenshire, Scotland
AMERICAN WHITE-WINGED SCOTER
Ythan Estuary, Aberdeenshire, Scotland
A Busy Day!
SATURDAY 5th AUGUST
A very busy day, with the Hospice at Home team arriving this morning, a District Nurse to sort out a catheter for mother so she doesn't have to get up every 45 minutes, Virtual Ward Team early evening, another District Nurse later this evening as I was worried that mother was becoming very unsetttled, confused and our first Marie Curie Night sitter from 10pm until 7am!
A very busy day, with the Hospice at Home team arriving this morning, a District Nurse to sort out a catheter for mother so she doesn't have to get up every 45 minutes, Virtual Ward Team early evening, another District Nurse later this evening as I was worried that mother was becoming very unsetttled, confused and our first Marie Curie Night sitter from 10pm until 7am!
NORFOLK BIRD NEWS & MEGAS!
SUMMARY OF TODAY'S BIRD NEWS VIA "RARE BIRD ALERT"
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SATURDAY 4th AUGUST
Great White Egret, Spoonbill flew over Burnham Overy Dunes
Lesser Yellowlegs, Spoonbills x 12, Curlew Sandpipers x 3, Spotted Redshanks x 3, Southern Migrant Hawker Dragonfly at Titchwell RSPB
Buff-breasted Sandpiper reported was a Knot, Curlew Sandpipers x 2, Spoonbills x 2, Redshank at Cley NWT
Great White Egret flew over Snettisham Coastal Park
Wood Sandpipers x 2 at Buckenham Marshes RSPB
Wood Sandpiper at Burnham Norton
Spotted Crakes x 2, Great White Egret, Wood Sandpipers x 3, Garganey x 4 at Potter Heigham Marshes
Pied Flycatcher at Happisburgh Common
Wood Sandpiper at Welney WWT
Purple Heron juv. reported near Hickling
Pied Flycatcher at Holme NOA
Pied Flycatcher at Waxham
Great White Egrets x 3 at Strumpshaw Fen RSPB
MEGA NEWS
SOOTY TERN
Ythan Estuary, Aberdeenshire, Scotland
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SATURDAY 4th AUGUST
Great White Egret, Spoonbill flew over Burnham Overy Dunes
Lesser Yellowlegs, Spoonbills x 12, Curlew Sandpipers x 3, Spotted Redshanks x 3, Southern Migrant Hawker Dragonfly at Titchwell RSPB
Buff-breasted Sandpiper reported was a Knot, Curlew Sandpipers x 2, Spoonbills x 2, Redshank at Cley NWT
Great White Egret flew over Snettisham Coastal Park
Wood Sandpipers x 2 at Buckenham Marshes RSPB
Wood Sandpiper at Burnham Norton
Spotted Crakes x 2, Great White Egret, Wood Sandpipers x 3, Garganey x 4 at Potter Heigham Marshes
Pied Flycatcher at Happisburgh Common
Wood Sandpiper at Welney WWT
Purple Heron juv. reported near Hickling
Pied Flycatcher at Holme NOA
Pied Flycatcher at Waxham
Great White Egrets x 3 at Strumpshaw Fen RSPB
MEGA NEWS
SOOTY TERN
Ythan Estuary, Aberdeenshire, Scotland
Saturday, 4 August 2018
Another Day
FRIDAY 3rd AUGUST
Early this morning at approximately 1am, my mother said she could hardly breathe, Lucy and I were really worried, so we called the night community team for assistance – a wonderful District Nurse came out within about half an hour and administered a couple of injections to help our mother's breathing and to settle her. This worked so well and mother relaxed completely and didn't go to the toilet every half an hour as she normally does. It was a long night – I set my alarm to go off every 60 minutes to check on her.
I had mopped the kitchen floor, fed the cat and Lucy and I had had breakfast long before 7am! Vivien had not any sleep at all and we were all cream-crackered. Mother did not want to get out of bed and just the stepping round to the commode was exhausting for her. The Hospice team came out and washed and dressed mother. NRS delivered some Wendy Lett sheets and I had two emotional phone calls from our dear friends Malcolm and Eileen and also an unexpected phone call from my ex mother-in-law who was phoning to chat with my mother and had no idea how ill she was – more tears shed!
I cooked the dinner whilst Vivien went to do a massive food shop for us all. I pureed mother a mini version of our dinner, which she managed to have about four good teaspoons of and also some ice-cream and later on more ice-cream with some pureed fruit, but sadly was then very sick. We sat in the kitchen having a nice tea and sat outside for a while as the humid day had cooled a little. We decided we needed as Lucy called it 'A House Meeting', but we never got round to it and Vivien went to bed with a bad back and Lucy is hopefully sleeping too.
Lucy has stepped up way and beyond what I thought she would be capable of and makes an excellent attentive nurse. It's killing us to keep mother at home, but I would rather die then her not be in our family home at Holme. The night care team, hospice and virtual ward have been incredibly supportive, but sadly there are no night sits available currently, which means I am having very little sleep – they may think there are three people here at nights, but there is in fact only one as Vivien has a very bad back and Lucy is not capable of moving mother around with me, either with the slide sheets or Wendy Lett sheets.
I am currently toileting mother approximately every 40 minutes and I am having to use all my strength to mobilise her into a sitting position in order to get her into standing and step round to the commode – we are both exhausted and I'm heart broken beyond words.
Early this morning at approximately 1am, my mother said she could hardly breathe, Lucy and I were really worried, so we called the night community team for assistance – a wonderful District Nurse came out within about half an hour and administered a couple of injections to help our mother's breathing and to settle her. This worked so well and mother relaxed completely and didn't go to the toilet every half an hour as she normally does. It was a long night – I set my alarm to go off every 60 minutes to check on her.
I had mopped the kitchen floor, fed the cat and Lucy and I had had breakfast long before 7am! Vivien had not any sleep at all and we were all cream-crackered. Mother did not want to get out of bed and just the stepping round to the commode was exhausting for her. The Hospice team came out and washed and dressed mother. NRS delivered some Wendy Lett sheets and I had two emotional phone calls from our dear friends Malcolm and Eileen and also an unexpected phone call from my ex mother-in-law who was phoning to chat with my mother and had no idea how ill she was – more tears shed!
I cooked the dinner whilst Vivien went to do a massive food shop for us all. I pureed mother a mini version of our dinner, which she managed to have about four good teaspoons of and also some ice-cream and later on more ice-cream with some pureed fruit, but sadly was then very sick. We sat in the kitchen having a nice tea and sat outside for a while as the humid day had cooled a little. We decided we needed as Lucy called it 'A House Meeting', but we never got round to it and Vivien went to bed with a bad back and Lucy is hopefully sleeping too.
Lucy has stepped up way and beyond what I thought she would be capable of and makes an excellent attentive nurse. It's killing us to keep mother at home, but I would rather die then her not be in our family home at Holme. The night care team, hospice and virtual ward have been incredibly supportive, but sadly there are no night sits available currently, which means I am having very little sleep – they may think there are three people here at nights, but there is in fact only one as Vivien has a very bad back and Lucy is not capable of moving mother around with me, either with the slide sheets or Wendy Lett sheets.
I am currently toileting mother approximately every 40 minutes and I am having to use all my strength to mobilise her into a sitting position in order to get her into standing and step round to the commode – we are both exhausted and I'm heart broken beyond words.
NORFOLK BIRD NEWS & MEGAS!
SUMMARY OF TODAY'S BIRD NEWS VIA "RARE BIRD ALERT"
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FRIDAY 3rd AUGUST
Lesser Yellowlegs, Pied Flycatchers x 2, Spoonbills x 16, Spotted Redshanks x 2, Curlew Sandpipers x 5, Caspian Gull, Southern Migrant Hawker Dragonfly at Titchwell RSPB
Pied Flycatchers x 2 in South Valley, Pied Flycatchers x 13 at Winterton
Buff-breasted Sandpiper, Nightjar hawking over, Wood Sandpipers x 7, Spotted Redshanks x 2, Spoonbills x 6, Curlew Sandpipers x 3 at Cley NWT
Pied Flycatcher in garden at Gorleston-on-Sea
Spotted Crake at Burnham Norton
Curlew Sandpipers x 2, Little Stint, Black Tern at Snettisham RSPB
Pied Flycatchers x 17 at Great Yarmouth Cemetery
Pied Flycatchers x 3 at Holme NWT
Great White Egret at Strumpshaw Fen RSPB
Pied Flycatchers x 3 at Wells Woods
Spotted Crakes x 2, Great White Egret, Wood Sandpipers x 3, Spoonbill, Garganey x 4 at Potter Heigham Marshes
Pied Flycatcher at Caister-on-Sea
Pied Flycatchers x 2 in garden at Filby
Pied Flycatcher at Walsey Hills NOA
Southern Migrant Hawker Dragonfly at Lopham Fen, South Lopham
MEGA NEWS
SOOTY TERN
Ythan Estuary, Aberdeenshire, Scotland
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FRIDAY 3rd AUGUST
Lesser Yellowlegs, Pied Flycatchers x 2, Spoonbills x 16, Spotted Redshanks x 2, Curlew Sandpipers x 5, Caspian Gull, Southern Migrant Hawker Dragonfly at Titchwell RSPB
Pied Flycatchers x 2 in South Valley, Pied Flycatchers x 13 at Winterton
Buff-breasted Sandpiper, Nightjar hawking over, Wood Sandpipers x 7, Spotted Redshanks x 2, Spoonbills x 6, Curlew Sandpipers x 3 at Cley NWT
Pied Flycatcher in garden at Gorleston-on-Sea
Spotted Crake at Burnham Norton
Curlew Sandpipers x 2, Little Stint, Black Tern at Snettisham RSPB
Pied Flycatchers x 17 at Great Yarmouth Cemetery
Pied Flycatchers x 3 at Holme NWT
Great White Egret at Strumpshaw Fen RSPB
Pied Flycatchers x 3 at Wells Woods
Spotted Crakes x 2, Great White Egret, Wood Sandpipers x 3, Spoonbill, Garganey x 4 at Potter Heigham Marshes
Pied Flycatcher at Caister-on-Sea
Pied Flycatchers x 2 in garden at Filby
Pied Flycatcher at Walsey Hills NOA
Southern Migrant Hawker Dragonfly at Lopham Fen, South Lopham
MEGA NEWS
SOOTY TERN
Ythan Estuary, Aberdeenshire, Scotland
Thursday, 2 August 2018
Mother Made It Home!
Vivien and I met up with the lady from Tapping House and another very nice lady from the Hospice Team along with my mother on the ward. Mother decided she wanted to return home whatever the culture results were later on. Lucy, Vivien and I are now all staying at Holme to be with our mother in her last days of life. We will have support from Norfolk Hospice, Virtual Ward and District Nurses.
An ambulance was booked for 3pm and mother made it home! She was sick just as she arrived and she looked completely frazzled. The heat today has been exhausting for everyone. Vivien and I had so many things to achieve before mother returned home – I think we have done pretty well between us all. Mother won't be going upstairs anymore, it was exhausting for her to even take a few steps from the commode to the bed and to the armchair – so a twisty staircase is completely out of the question.
Mother was frightened by the slide sheets and was quite distressed – she got used to them after a few times though! She is drinking lots of icy cold water, had two coffees and two small bowls of ice-cream and crushed raspberries. Vivien and Lucy went and got us all an indian takeaway from Hunstanton and the three enjoyed this with a bottle of sparkling elderflower water. It was weird as it was lovely spending time with both my sisters, but I felt guilty about feeling happy with them – this is far from a happy time in our lives. But, we have peace that our mother is back home where she belongs and gives us a chance to spend time together as a family.
We don't have any night care tonight – mother is going on the commode every half an hour – its going to be busy!
An ambulance was booked for 3pm and mother made it home! She was sick just as she arrived and she looked completely frazzled. The heat today has been exhausting for everyone. Vivien and I had so many things to achieve before mother returned home – I think we have done pretty well between us all. Mother won't be going upstairs anymore, it was exhausting for her to even take a few steps from the commode to the bed and to the armchair – so a twisty staircase is completely out of the question.
Mother was frightened by the slide sheets and was quite distressed – she got used to them after a few times though! She is drinking lots of icy cold water, had two coffees and two small bowls of ice-cream and crushed raspberries. Vivien and Lucy went and got us all an indian takeaway from Hunstanton and the three enjoyed this with a bottle of sparkling elderflower water. It was weird as it was lovely spending time with both my sisters, but I felt guilty about feeling happy with them – this is far from a happy time in our lives. But, we have peace that our mother is back home where she belongs and gives us a chance to spend time together as a family.
We don't have any night care tonight – mother is going on the commode every half an hour – its going to be busy!
NORFOLK BIRD NEWS & MEGAS!
SUMMARY OF TODAY'S BIRD NEWS VIA "RARE BIRD ALERT"
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Glossy Ibis, Lesser Yellowlegs, Pied Flycatcher, Great White Egrets x 2, Curlew Sandpipers x 3, Spoonbills x 12 at Titchwell RSPB
Spoonbill at Breydon Water
Pied Flycatchers x 2 at Great Yarmouth Cemetery
Spotted Crake, Wood Sandpipers x 2, Garganey x 4 at Potter Heigham Marshes
Wood Sandpipers x 4, Spoonbills x 7 at Cley NWT
Pied Flycatcher at South Dunes, Pied Flycatchers x 3 at North Dunes, Winterton
Wood Sandpiper at Holme NWT
Pied Flycatcher at Gramborough Hill
Wood Sandpipers x 2 at Buckenham Marshes RSPB
Great White Egrets x 2 at Strumpshaw Fen RSPB
Wood Sandpiper at Welney WWT
MEGA NEWS
None
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Glossy Ibis, Lesser Yellowlegs, Pied Flycatcher, Great White Egrets x 2, Curlew Sandpipers x 3, Spoonbills x 12 at Titchwell RSPB
Spoonbill at Breydon Water
Pied Flycatchers x 2 at Great Yarmouth Cemetery
Spotted Crake, Wood Sandpipers x 2, Garganey x 4 at Potter Heigham Marshes
Wood Sandpipers x 4, Spoonbills x 7 at Cley NWT
Pied Flycatcher at South Dunes, Pied Flycatchers x 3 at North Dunes, Winterton
Wood Sandpiper at Holme NWT
Pied Flycatcher at Gramborough Hill
Wood Sandpipers x 2 at Buckenham Marshes RSPB
Great White Egrets x 2 at Strumpshaw Fen RSPB
Wood Sandpiper at Welney WWT
MEGA NEWS
None
Wednesday, 1 August 2018
A Traumatic Day!
Where do I begin? My mind is in turmoil as I sit here and type! My
mother has far less time left then we first thought – far less, we were
told this morning. When I arrived on the ward, my mother said a doctor
had said she would only have a few days of her life left, if she refused
treatment which she had done before I arrived. What the staff don't
realise is, that my mother would rather die than stay on a boiling hot
ward, dripping with persperation and with only warm water to drink! Since being diagnosed with cancer she will only drink icy cold water.
My mother has 'Spontaneus Bacterial Peritinitus' according to a doctor this morning, which is a reaction to the Ascitic drain last Thursday. I have not said before, but my mother was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in September 2016 and could only be 'managed' as mother had kept quiet about her illness for approximately eight years, not going to a doctor or telling anyone. The cancer quickly spread to her bones and recently to her stomach.
I am so angry with a doctor on the ward, that I can't even write what I really want to say. The 'discussion' today was to carry on with the intravenous antibiotics for 5+ days and risk mother dying in hospital when she could be at home or go home today..... the 'cultures' from the biopsy come back (from Norwich) tomorrow lunchtime (ish) which if 'negative' means its not an infection and is simply the cancer, so nothing else can be done and mother can return home for her remaining days. If 'positive' a 5+ day course of intravenous antibiotics can be carried out, but this would be 'at least 5 days' and this could buy some time or maybe not.
The way she is being treated on the ward by 'some' of the nurses this evening was enough for me to take her home there and then. If you don't care about people then DO NOT be a nurse! When I returned to visit her this evening, she told me that she had felt too weak to walk across to the bathroom to use the toilet, but they made her and said 'you can do it' and 'there is no such thing as can't'. I spoke to one of the nurses as I left to request that she is step-round transfer and not to walk her across to the toilet and the response was 'she walked across ok', so I bluntly pointed out that she has days to live and is normally fiercely independent and not lazy. My cynical mind guesses that it might have had something to do with not having to clean a commode maybe!!!!! Wicked, truly wicked. I'm actually hoping now, that my mother will decide to come home tomorrow, where she will be cared for by her three daughters in the most loving and caring way possible.
I have had to do some serious DIY this week! In order to fit the hospital bed into the now transformed dining room, I had to remove the mantel piece over the boarded up fireplace, plaster all the holes up and then disguise my bad workmanship with a pretty throw which I have duck-taped to the wall! I have spent several hours this afternoon arranging all the equipment and making up the new hospital bed whilst Vivien and Lucy sat with mother. I have washed all the walls and tried to make the room as pretty as possible. There is enough space to assist mother either side of the bed, but you have to side-step to get round the end as the foot end of the bed is only about 14 inches from the wall and window! One last job tomorrow is to move the new bird table in front of the window and hope that the birds feed from it for mother to enjoy when sitting in bed. I need to pray hard that she makes it home – I can't not deal with her dying in hospital.
A wonderful lady from Tapping House (Norfolk Hospice) who has been of huge support to us all, is very kindly making an urgent visit to my mother in the morning to discuss and advise her of her options – she is the only person I trust medically right now.
My mother has 'Spontaneus Bacterial Peritinitus' according to a doctor this morning, which is a reaction to the Ascitic drain last Thursday. I have not said before, but my mother was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in September 2016 and could only be 'managed' as mother had kept quiet about her illness for approximately eight years, not going to a doctor or telling anyone. The cancer quickly spread to her bones and recently to her stomach.
I am so angry with a doctor on the ward, that I can't even write what I really want to say. The 'discussion' today was to carry on with the intravenous antibiotics for 5+ days and risk mother dying in hospital when she could be at home or go home today..... the 'cultures' from the biopsy come back (from Norwich) tomorrow lunchtime (ish) which if 'negative' means its not an infection and is simply the cancer, so nothing else can be done and mother can return home for her remaining days. If 'positive' a 5+ day course of intravenous antibiotics can be carried out, but this would be 'at least 5 days' and this could buy some time or maybe not.
The way she is being treated on the ward by 'some' of the nurses this evening was enough for me to take her home there and then. If you don't care about people then DO NOT be a nurse! When I returned to visit her this evening, she told me that she had felt too weak to walk across to the bathroom to use the toilet, but they made her and said 'you can do it' and 'there is no such thing as can't'. I spoke to one of the nurses as I left to request that she is step-round transfer and not to walk her across to the toilet and the response was 'she walked across ok', so I bluntly pointed out that she has days to live and is normally fiercely independent and not lazy. My cynical mind guesses that it might have had something to do with not having to clean a commode maybe!!!!! Wicked, truly wicked. I'm actually hoping now, that my mother will decide to come home tomorrow, where she will be cared for by her three daughters in the most loving and caring way possible.
I have had to do some serious DIY this week! In order to fit the hospital bed into the now transformed dining room, I had to remove the mantel piece over the boarded up fireplace, plaster all the holes up and then disguise my bad workmanship with a pretty throw which I have duck-taped to the wall! I have spent several hours this afternoon arranging all the equipment and making up the new hospital bed whilst Vivien and Lucy sat with mother. I have washed all the walls and tried to make the room as pretty as possible. There is enough space to assist mother either side of the bed, but you have to side-step to get round the end as the foot end of the bed is only about 14 inches from the wall and window! One last job tomorrow is to move the new bird table in front of the window and hope that the birds feed from it for mother to enjoy when sitting in bed. I need to pray hard that she makes it home – I can't not deal with her dying in hospital.
A wonderful lady from Tapping House (Norfolk Hospice) who has been of huge support to us all, is very kindly making an urgent visit to my mother in the morning to discuss and advise her of her options – she is the only person I trust medically right now.
NORFOLK BIRD NEWS & MEGAS!
SUMMARY OF TODAY'S BIRD NEWS VIA "RARE BIRD ALERT"
For access to full details of daily sightings, please subscribe to one of RBA's Bird News Services
Great White Egrets x 3 flew past Northrepps
Red-necked Phalarope, Wood Sandpipers x 3 at Cley NWT
Glossy Ibis, Lesser Yellowlegs, Great White Egret, Curlew Sandpipers x 20, Spoonbills x 18, Spotted Redshanks x 2 at Titchwell RSPB
Curlew Sandpipers x 3, Little Stints x 4 at Snettisham RSPB
Spoonbills x 22 at Stiffkey Fen
Pied Flycatcher at Muckleburgh Hill
Wood Sandpiper at Welney WWT
Wood Sandpipers x 2 at Buckenham Marshes RSPB
MEGA NEWS
SOOTY TERN
Ugie Estuary, Peterhead, Aberdeenshire, Scotland
For access to full details of daily sightings, please subscribe to one of RBA's Bird News Services
Great White Egrets x 3 flew past Northrepps
Red-necked Phalarope, Wood Sandpipers x 3 at Cley NWT
Glossy Ibis, Lesser Yellowlegs, Great White Egret, Curlew Sandpipers x 20, Spoonbills x 18, Spotted Redshanks x 2 at Titchwell RSPB
Curlew Sandpipers x 3, Little Stints x 4 at Snettisham RSPB
Spoonbills x 22 at Stiffkey Fen
Pied Flycatcher at Muckleburgh Hill
Wood Sandpiper at Welney WWT
Wood Sandpipers x 2 at Buckenham Marshes RSPB
MEGA NEWS
SOOTY TERN
Ugie Estuary, Peterhead, Aberdeenshire, Scotland
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