Another Day In The QEH!

I phoned the ward this morning before I started work – I didn't have the mental energy to go and see Father and also this affects my emotional state before I start work. The staff reported that Father had pulled out his cannula and had been shouting all night that he wanted to go home. I visited him at lunchtime and he seemed calm and was been fed his lunch by a very nice male NA. He firmly told me that if I didn't take him home in my car later, he would be going on the bus. 'How will you do that?' I said. 'With great difficulty' he replied.

I still havn't been able to find out exactly what happened to Father on Tuesday night. When I finished work I was so tired, I went to have a power nap in the car before visiting father. Still exhausted from the A&E stint on Tuesday night.

Father was sobbing his heart out uncontrollably when I arrived on the ward, because he wanted to go home. My sister Lucy had visited earlier and she had helped him to get clothes on with a nursing auxiliary as he wanted to go home. I got the brunt of it when I arrived. It was awful to see, simply awful. He just wouldn't stop crying. I explained Mother was too ill right now to have him home anyway, but he just didn't take it in. I ended up crying with him. Very nice staff on the ward and hugely supportive, especially one NA who went specially to get father bread and marmalade which he likes, as he wouldn't eat anything else. He got through half a box of tissues – never seen him in this state. He did settle a bit later and managed to eat the bread and marmalade. I helped to toilet him and then got him into bed. He asked for the lights to be turned out. I tried in vain to explain that the lights couldn't go out yet. He looked comfortable when I left.

I plodded through the hospital, too tired to walk my normal speed. I fell on the sofa when I arrived home at 8.30pm. Phone calls with Mother and Vivien. No tea, hungry but too exhausted to cook anything. Wish there was someone to look after me right now, but there isn't so tough.