Saturday Update

I'm sure my smoke and feeling ill posts are getting rather boring now, so will try not to go on too much. Got up late yesterday, as I still felt ill. Tried to assist my Mother with trying to source an armchair booster cushion for Father when he returns home from hospital, but failed miserably both on-line and by going to a couple of shops at Hardwick, King's Lynn. You can't buy one with a washable cover it seems or find one that is big enough to fit a chair for a good base of support. The best solution would be to raise their sofa with chair raisers, but because my parent's don't buy anything normal, their sofa doesn't have the normal swivel feet castors, it has a long wooden bar across the whole front and also this touches the floor! I give up with that. The sad thing is that Father may not be able to come home if Mother can't manage him – I'm not having him in a residential home, so don't know what we are going to do as a family.

Went to my smoke ridden house and as I opened the door, the sickening plastic, cherry smell filled my nostrils. I threw quite alot of stuff and filled both wheelie bins and then broke down. I couldn't do this anymore, the smell, dealing with this on my own, not feeling well etc. All the time I was outside, various neighbours walked past, not one of them said how are you getting on. From comments on FB I think people think I should feel lucky that I didn't lose everything as my neighbours did. Yes, I am indeed extremely lucky I didn't lose everything aswell, but I still have to deal with an entire house that has been engulfed with smoke and all the implications of that by myself. I'm not in a relationship, there is no automatic help and support by my side. I can't expect anyone who has kindly offered help to work in that putrid atmosphere, can I!!! There are so many things going on at the same time, phonecalls about my Father, my Mother worried about him coming home and if she can manage and Vivien has some serious issues going on as well. The Assessor that came out on Friday, talked about so many things and all the things that would happen over the next few weeks – I haven't got time for any of this and at the end of the day, I'm supposed to be at work!!!

Was made to feel guilty that I hadn't visited my Father, so went to visit hime for a short while this evening. Walked up the hill in a very emotional state. It took Father a while to recognise my croaky voice when I first arrived. He was in bed with the covers over his head to cut out the light. He was wearing his thick cardigan and had refused to remove it. I threw the grapes that were out of date and the old water bottles that hadn't been removed. Took some dirty washing back with me. Father is definitely more confused than he was before his accident.

Left my house and went to the new Subway by the Walks to get a vege deluxe, but when I got there, they hadn't got any vege ingredients left! Walked out – pouring with rain. Went back to hotel. Sat in restaurant reception to wait for my ordered cheesy garlic bread and chips – waited for over half an hour. Went back to my room.