Another Day

FRIDAY 3rd AUGUST

Early this morning at approximately 1am, my mother said she could hardly breathe, Lucy and I were really worried, so we called the night community team for assistance – a wonderful District Nurse came out within about half an hour and administered a couple of injections to help our mother's breathing and to settle her. This worked so well and mother relaxed completely and didn't go to the toilet every half an hour as she normally does. It was a long night – I set my alarm to go off every 60 minutes to check on her.

I had mopped the kitchen floor, fed the cat and Lucy and I had had breakfast long before 7am! Vivien had not any sleep at all and we were all cream-crackered. Mother did not want to get out of bed and just the stepping round to the commode was exhausting for her. The Hospice team came out and washed and dressed mother. NRS delivered some Wendy Lett sheets and I had two emotional phone calls from our dear friends Malcolm and Eileen and also an unexpected phone call from my ex mother-in-law who was phoning to chat with my mother and had no idea how ill she was – more tears shed!

I cooked the dinner whilst Vivien went to do a massive food shop for us all. I pureed mother a mini version of our dinner, which she managed to have about four good teaspoons of and also some ice-cream and later on more ice-cream with some pureed fruit, but sadly was then very sick. We sat in the kitchen having a nice tea and sat outside for a while as the humid day had cooled a little. We decided we needed as Lucy called it 'A House Meeting', but we never got round to it and Vivien went to bed with a bad back and Lucy is hopefully sleeping too.

Lucy has stepped up way and beyond what I thought she would be capable of and makes an excellent attentive nurse. It's killing us to keep mother at home, but I would rather die then her not be in our family home at Holme. The night care team, hospice and virtual ward have been incredibly supportive, but sadly there are no night sits available currently, which means I am having very little sleep – they may think there are three people here at nights, but there is in fact only one as Vivien has a very bad back and Lucy is not capable of moving mother around with me, either with the slide sheets or Wendy Lett sheets.

I am currently toileting mother approximately every 40 minutes and I am having to use all my strength to mobilise her into a sitting position in order to get her into standing and step round to the commode – we are both exhausted and I'm heart broken beyond words.