Penny's Hot Birding and Life!: Mother's Funeral

Margaret Rose Clarke

9th February 1940 — 7th August 2018

ORDER OF SERVICE

The alarm went off at 6.30am. Panic set in. Got out of bed and got dressed in old clothes and was out of the house by 6.50am. The sun was blazing and it was blue skies all day long – this we have to be thankful for, as the last couple of days have been dull as ditch water with no sun at all. I drove round to the key holders for the village hall, picked up the key and parked outside the hall. I unlocked the door and found myself in familiar surroundings – this hall was used for gymnastics and country dancing, when I attended Holme Primary school – such fond and happy memories of an idyllic childhood in a beautiful village.

I spent an hour and a quarter here, unstacking forty chairs and arranging tables. One table for the coffin flowers, a framed photograph (top picture), a vase of sea lavender and the 'In Loving Memory' guest book for guests to write in. I arranged tables where I wanted them for food and sorted all the seating arrangement. The small square tables (to seat four) that I unstacked from the back of the hall were incredibly heavy – they were stacked up high and upside down. I had to leave a note for the catering team to get the rest out for me – I couldn't lift more than one on my own! I left my car by the hall and walked back around the village, dropping the key in on route for the caterers to pick up later. Robbie B. (key holder) very kindly said he would pop round the hall and get the other nine tables out for me – thank you so much!

I returned home at 8.15am. Flew in the shower, washed hair, got dressed up in black (my usual colour nowadays!) and put my new Pandora locket around my neck with mother and father's lock of hair inside. I was now ready. Vivien had left the house early this morning too and had driven to King's Lynn to pick Lucy up – they returned just before I finished getting ready. Lucy wore her new locket too and both Lucy and Vivien looked beautifully turned out. We were ready early, this was not good, our nerves were in shreds.

At 10am the hearse turned up with our limousine for us to follow behind in. The flowers looked so beautiful on our mother's coffin. I was so upset – we all were. In all my 53 years I have never been in a limousine before until today – such a pity that the experience was so incredible sad. There were enough seats for 6/7 people, but we didn't want to separate, so we squashed into one seat – we needed to be together to follow the end of my mother's journey. It seemed a very long journey. As we neared the crematorium, I felt sick.

At 10.45am we were ushered out of the limousine and we gathered ourselves to walk behind our mother's coffin. Vivien's partner Ray joined us too. Some of our guests were still walking in and it was so nice to see my very good friend Pete Snook, who gave me a very lovely supportive hug just before we walked in. The music commenced and Lucy and I walked in front holding hands with Vivien and Ray behind us. I remembered walking behind father's coffin only eighteen months ago, it felt the same, I didn't want to walk behind my mother's coffin. I felt sick.

I squeezed Lucy's hand in support and we walked in to the Crematoriam to 'Wagner Die Meistersinger von Nürnberg – Prelude'. Our speaker Hazel Warken (whom we had booked via John Lincoln) conducted the service throughout. The music was beautiful and we cried. Sadly this piece of music was cut short of its grand finale, the ending which mother had described to me only a few weeks ago, the ended that we had wanted – we were not short on time at all, as I had timed and organised it down to the last second. The entire service should have been just over 28 minutes (you are allowed 30 minutes) and we were there for only 22 minutes.

Wagner Die Meistersinger von Nürnberg – Prelude
Philharmonia Orchestra – Otto Klemperer
(Chosen by Margaret)

We sat down. I didn't dare to look behind me as I would have cried even more if I had looked at anyone. Hazel then said the following:

"Good morning and welcome, I am Hazel Warken, and on behalf of Penny, Lucy and Vivien I thank you for your presence and valued support here today, as we gather together not only to say our final farewell to Margaret but also to celebrate her life.

Remembered as a vibrant character. A woman of much knowledge, and an abundance of talent and resourcefulness. An individual spirit who was regarded with great respect and affection by everyone she met, the impact Margaret made on your lives was considerable she is remembered with great fondness by all of you gathered here today."

Hazel then read out our eulogy.

EULOGY

Written by Penny Clarke

with assistance and editing from Vivien Clarke

With extracts taken from father's yet unpublished autobiography

Margaret Rose Grice was born in Croydon on 9th February 1940 and was brought up by her adoptive parents Charles and Emma Riches, in the village of Heckingham in Norfolk. After attending Sir John Leman Grammar School in Beccles, she was offered a place at university, but her parents were financially unable to send her.

Margaret had a passionate interest in nature, which was encouraged by her father from an early age and she studied wildlife in her local area at Hardley Flood. One of Margaret’s ambitions was to become a nature writer, which led to her first article ‘Beasts of Norfolk Waters’ being published in ‘The Times’ just after her nineteenth birthday in 1959.

Later on Margaret felt the urge to escape from her home and moved away to live and work in Westport, Ireland in 1961 for approximately six months, where she enjoyed studying the local flora and fauna. She then had to return home to Heckingham, when her father became seriously ill.

Whilst birdwatching, Margaret become good friends with several naturalists including Michael Seago, Richard Richardson and Chris Knights. Margaret moved closer to the Cley area and found a job typing knitting patterns for a naturalist and famed knitting designer, Elizabeth Forster – this job did not last long. She then worked at a canning factory in Holt, as a secretary for Norwich Union and went on to work as a live-in nursing auxiliary at ‘Home Place’ in Kelling – a job that she particularly enjoyed.

Margaret was introduced to Peter Clarke, who was a naturalist, photographer and writer, by her friend Richard Richardson on the East Bank at Cley in 1962, whilst Peter was establishing Holme Bird Observatory. Their relationship and shared love of the natural world soon blossomed and they married at St Mary’s Church, Holme-next-the-Sea on 30th March 1964. They started their married life at ‘The Firs House’ at Holme, where their first child Penny was born in 1965.

After the ‘Norfolk Naturalists Trust’ purchased the ‘Firs House’, they moved temporarily into a caravan and then later into a rented bungalow “Sandy Ridge’ along the Firs Road. Lucy was born in a rented flat in Hunstanton in 1968 and Vivien in the currently owned family home at Holme in 1969. Peter had wanted a son to take over the reigns of Holme Bird Observatory when he eventually retired, but they couldn’t afford risking a fourth girl! Obviously a girl would not have been capable of running a bird observatory! How times have changed – the current warden being female!

Margaret had nature articles and poems regularly published in the ‘Eastern Daily Press’ and ‘Lynn News’. In 1987 ‘Where to Watch Birds in East Anglia’ was published, which Margaret co-wrote with Peter. Margaret taught herself French, Latin and loved reading all manner of subjects.

Margaret was an amazingly strong and resilient character and besides looking after her family and large garden at Holme, she cycled several times a week to buy groceries from Hunstanton and Thornham. When time allowed, she worked alongside Peter at the observatory and assisted with bird ringing, documenting bird sightings, clearing scrub and welcoming visitors. Margaret’s love of writing and passion for the english language, mean’t that unbeknown to most, it was she who proof read and corrected all Peter’s written work pre publication!

Margaret was well known for clearing rubbish off the beach at Holme and collecting sacks of seaweed, balanced precariously on her shopper bike (as her famed shopping bags were) and taken home for garden manure! On one occasion in 2003, her love of flotsam and jetsam from the beach, led to the bomb squad being called in from Colchester, after she had cycled home along the bumpy Firs Road (it was far worse in those days) with her ‘interesting metal object’ tied down to the bike rack! The family home was cordoned off with police tape, whilst the unexploded bomb was detonated! Another interesting find was a large dead shark species, which again Margaret transported home on her bike for Peter to photograph and was then duly used as compost!

Margaret’s other great interest was her love of classical music which she shared with her daughter Lucy and this continued to develop as Lucy became an accomplished violinist. Although not religious, Margaret enjoyed listening to ‘Songs of Praise’ every week.

Since 1994, Margaret and Peter supported the ‘Moth Morning’ events at Titchwell RSPB, to assist with identification, until Peter’s health sadly deteriorated. Margaret and Peter celebrated their Golden Wedding Anniversary at home with their daughters on 30th March 2014.

Margaret loved to visit Holme Marsh Reserve in her latter years and spent alot of time in the three hides enjoying all nature had to offer and documenting her sightings, with meticulous detail in the hide log books. She supplied cushions for the hide seats, which she regularly washed – the cushions still remain and must be the only bird hides in the UK to have such a luxury!

Margaret was a huge cat lover and her ‘adopted’ cat has always been thoroughly spoilt with only the best grated cheese and choice of cat beds! In later years, Margaret loved to sit with the cat underneath her famous buddleia shrubs outside the front gate! The buddleia currently remains, but the cat is searching for a new and very attentive owner!

Margaret was an intelligent, witty, stubborn, kind, eccentric, hard working, independent and wonderful women. She was adored and loved by her late husband Peter, her daughters Penny, Lucy, and Vivien and all who knew her. She will be greatly missed.

Hazel then said:

"After a long illness, sadly sooner than expected with her daughters present Margaret died peacefully at home on 7th August. Gone but never forgotten, as the tide of life ebbs and flows the gates of memory never close.

Let us pause for a moment with our thoughts – whilst we listen to The Cuckoo and The Nightingale – Handel – Concerto in F No.13"

The Cuckoo and The Nightingale
Handel – Concerto in F No.13
(Chosen by Margaret. Faded out half way through)

POEM

SUMMER'S PASSING

Written By Margaret Rose Clarke – Poet’s Corner, Lynn News

Hazel then said:

"We have now come to committal words, if you feel able to would you please stand.

To everything there is a season
A time to every purpose on earth
A time to be born and a time to die
Here in this last act in sorrow, but without fear
In love and appreciation, we commit the body of
Margaret Rose Clarke to its end with nature…

During our thoughts the curtains will gently close."

COMMITTAL and FAREWELL

Sarabande from Bach Partita No. 2 in D Minor (BWV 1004)
Jaap Schröder, Baroque Violin
(Chosen by Lucy Clarke, who performed this at the R.C.M.)

[Lucy had this on CD and the crematorium found the Japp Schröder version, but I was unable to find this version on youtube for you to listen to.
This version by Julia Fischer is the next best version I could find.]

"Margaret’s daughters would like to thank-you for all the cards of condolence, messages received and offers of support. They are deeply acknowledged and kindly appreciated, and warmly invite to continue your remembrance of Margaret’s life by joining them after the service at The Village Hall, Holme-next-the-Sea where refreshments will be available along with some memorabilia. The charities being supported today are “Cancer Care and Treatment Unit”, QEH and “The Norfolk Hospice”, Tapping House. If you wish to donate today there is a collection box, just as you exit the chapel doors.

Please stand – as we depart the chapel ABBA will be singing us out with “Thank You for The Music”.

As you now return to your homes and to the routines of your lives may an abiding peace go with you."

“Thank You For The Music”
ABBA
(Chosen by Margaret)

It was very emotional, greeting people after the service. There were people who I thought would turn up who didn't, but there were people who turned up whom I hadn't expected, which was lovely. I hadn't expected four of my work colleagues, which was really nice of them, thank you so much. The highlight (can't think of another way of putting it) was seeing Ruth and Debbie Jackson (their surnames are different now though) whom I have not seen since I was a little girl – Ruth and Debbie are the daughters of the late Peter Jackson, who was close friends with RAR and my father. Peter Jackson's wife Ruby is still alive, but not quite fit enough maybe, to travel here today as they all live about 130 miles away in Hertfordshire. Peter Jackson used to visit Fair Isle with Richard Richardson regularly and I remember him as if it were yesterday with his pipe and Fair Isle hat! The entire Jackson family were like family to us, they visited Holme regularly and we spent many happy days together at the reserves and beach at Holme. I threw myself around Debbie and Ruth when I greeted them and couldn't stop crying with both joy and sadness.

I am extremely grateful to the following people for supporting my sisters and I today and to celebrate the life of our mother. Some of you have travelled long distances to be here, taken time off work and this is much appreciated.

To: Gary Hibberd and Alison Jones, Sophie Barker and Jenny Barker, Norma Bye, Steve and Ann Newman, Debbie and Ruth Jackson, Robin Joliffe and his wife, Cilla Williams, Sarah Barber, Cara Holt, Bev Eady, John Sheldrake, Marilyn Foggitt, Pippa and Andy Arnold, Peter and Tina Ham, Pauline and Clifford Rumbelow, Jackie Arnold, Pat Britton, Chris Knights, Pete Snook, Angela Collison and friend, Heather Shepherd, Pat and Geoff Douglas, Richard Brooks and Ray Bowden – 34 altogether. I hope I havn't missed anyone out! Obviously due to commitments/work etc not everyone was able to join us for the wake, but we still had 22!

CELEBRATION OF MARGARET'S LIFE

The Village Hall, Holme-next-the-Sea

Organised by Sam Fox and Angela from The White Horse Pub

The limousine dropped us off at the hall and we placed the funeral flowers onto the welcome table as people walked in. The flowers consisted of Eryngiums (sea holley), yellow Fresias, Gypsophila, Grasses, Ivy and mixed foliages, Golden Rod and Limonium (sea lavender). Tina's flowers were also placed on the same table.

Everyone was fascinated by my photographic display of mother, including some pictures of Debbie and Ruth as toddlers with baby Penny and my mother on Holme beach and also another picture of us all with RAR, Ruby Jackson and my mother outside the caravan we lived in at Holme. Huge thanks to neighbours Tina and Peter for their massive bouquet of flowers from their garden – so kind and look fabulous in the hall – the scent from the roses is divine.

MEMORABILIA PHOTOS

The wake was a quiet affair, but a really lovely afternoon. We did not have the grandeur of the massive selection of food that Gary H. and Alison J. had kindly provided for us at father's wake, but the food we did have today was very nice indeed. Several people remarked on how good the sandwiches were. Most sandwiches at any kind of social gathering are pretty naff, lets be honest, but these were the best you could get. Everything had been homemade by the Chef and staff at The White Horse Pub in Holme and organised by Manageress Sam Fox. Angela (whom we went to school with at Holme) was in charge of the teas and coffees etc for the afternoon and we are very grateful to her for all her hard work, plus it was really nice to see her.

Flowers from Tina and Peter

We helped Angela stack the chairs up at the end and we had all left by about 3pm (ish). The funeral flowers had been placed into three bouquets for each of us, so we had a lot of vases and sorting to do when we returned to the family home. Debbie and Ruth had travelled such a long way to see us, so we invited them back to the house for a fresh cup of tea before they departed. We spent a long time having a catch up, it was so fabulous to see them – such lovely people and they haven't changed a bit since I last saw them. They were amused that the house and garden had not changed at all since they last visited as children!

Flowers from Tina and Peter

Vivien's partner Ray and Debbie and Ruth left early evening and Vivien took Lucy back to King's Lynn. Vivien then returned to spend the rest of the evening with me. Stating the obvious, we were emotionally drained and went to bed early. I still can't take in that my mother has died and we have just been to her funeral – it feels like I'm in a bubble and everything that has happened is just a very bad dream. There are so many things I want to chat to her about, so many things. I want to tell her that we have finally found the family album that father had hidden up – she would have mused at the fact that it was hidden in a case only yards from where she regularly sat, I want to show her the beautiful pictures I have found of her, to tell her that Lord Peter Melchett has died (she would have been shocked and very upset at his passing), I want to talk to her about the migrants starting to turn up in the UK, I want to talk to her about so many things and now all I have is silence.